If you are one of the people struggling right now during the holidays to improve your quality of life or just to keep your life on track you are not alone. There are many people trying to improve themselves or take baby steps to improve some area of their life. There are no perfect people. Look at the person next to you. Looks like they have it all together, don’t they? Maybe not! What many of us forget in our lives often is that person has said, done things and thought things that would probably shock you. Yet we pretend we are perfect. Society has taught us what the blueprint is to fit into today and if we don’t fit that mold we run and hide. We pretend everything is perfect and that we aren’t stressed out.
LAS117: There Are No Perfect People
There Are No Perfect People
If you’re someone struggling right now as we go into the holiday season, or if you’re just trying to keep your life on track, you’re not alone. There are many people trying to take the steps to improve their life right now. There are no perfect people. Look at the person next to you. Looks like they have it all together, don’t feel stressed- when in fact, most people are projecting an outward image that they can’t afford or maintain. The rules of the world have taught us to do it that way. Most people fear that if you knew that they weren’t perfect, you would judge them or condemn them. You would ostracize them or misunderstand them.
People live in fear of being judged, and yet act out in various ways to overcompensate for it. Instead of being authentic and ourselves, we’re living a life that we can’t keep perfect all the time. We should be asking our friends and family to be authentic with us all the time to keep the communication lines and expectations realistic.To quote Henry David Thoreau, “Most people lead lives of quiet desperation…”
Whether it be dieting with the holidays approaching or trying to keep your house organized and clean during the pandemic, you don’t have to look hard to see that most of us are struggling to keep everything running smoothly at all times.
Perfection In the Midst of a Pandemic
There is a famous saying, “Shame on our ancestors for making us who we are, and shame on us for staying that way.” That really epitomizes the times we are living in today.
Even if we wanted to get ahead in 2020, the country went into a lockdown for many months and left most of us unable to move forward. All of us are longing for more communication and connection right now. Just recently I listened to a podcast and the doctor recommended that socializing be done in pods right now, especially during the holidays because of the pandemic. We don’t know where other people outside of our “pods” have been or what bacteria they could be carrying. Yet most of us are looking forward to the holidays this year because we are longing for connection.
There’s anticipation of having to get the house decorated or getting gifts in the mail on time that can push our stress to the tipping point. Trying to pick out the perfect presents this year can make us stressed out. This year I’m traveling to visit family so I have to be organized and have all my gifts in the mail early. Not to mention the price of shipping continues to go up. This takes time and energy. I want my house to look festive this year so I started to decorate early. It seems like some people have been constantly decorating. I’ve hired a great girl from Arizona State to help me decorate the tree since I don’t have certain things like a ladder, and I could use the extra help anyways while running my own business and keeping things moving forward. Some people motivate us to get our work done on time, and others remind us not to bother, because they aren’t invested either. You get to pick which of those two roads you’re going down.
Which signals and messages are driving your behaviors and assumptions? What is true about you today? Do you feel acceptable to family and friends, or do you feel the need to tighten your inner circle?
For the most part, I try and get my work done on time to leave room for the fun things in life, but also, I don’t like the pressure of not having everything done when extra things come up at the last minute. Many of us have loved ones that are sick right now, and that weighs heavily on our hearts. My family alone has had several family members die from the virus or get sick because of us. Many of us smile everyday and running a business was hard for me last week with these things weighing on my heart. We can’t even grieve like we used to because of capacity limits, leaving most people to grieve privately. That being said, we all have a lot to think about these days, and the old life no longer exists. The new way of doing things has yet to be determined.
Moving Forward Without Perfection
So how do we put on a smile every day and build our lives? Easily. One step at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. There are no perfect people or situations. Typically, life is what you make it. For those people who appear to have the perfect life on social media, they don’t lack stress in their lives either. We should be creating relationships that have atmospheres of acceptance and grace versus mud and self condemnation. Can you imagine starting a relationship by having our biggest fears and insecurities on blast for everyone to know?
We all tend to hold back the last ten percent of ourselves because it’s too risky and we fear others judgement. The rules we’ve learned are to hide and cover insecurities. You’re supposed to pretend and wear a mask to avoid rejection. “Loneliness comes when we feel unable to communicate what we really need.” Yet deep down, most people need to feel like they are a part of a community. We all fall short of this in our lives.
How do we get to the point of freedom where we’re living in a giving state instead of hiding? We need to change the rules of society. What role do you play in our broken, stained world? How can you become more life giving and compassionate? “Perfect people are not welcome” is what we should be saying these days and becoming more empathetic listeners. Those messages and labels that society gives us can cause us to get stuck and stay stuck.
The labels and stigmas can stop our growth and keep us from living up to our potential for fear of judgement. There are no perfect lives and there are no perfect people. We need to remind ourselves of this. There is a lack of inner peace when we don’t realize this. I’m at the point now in my life where I don’t have time for people who don’t hold themselves accountable for their actions. No one ever said you had to be perfect, just accept responsibility for yourself.
We could all improve our skills these days on what it means to be human, to be vulnerable, and to have insecurities. The uncertainty of our world should be enough motivation to want to set yourself free from other people’s entanglements or lack of understanding. Ignorance is easy. It requires that we don’t have to think things through and choose to accept something at face value. Very rarely is that the case of what is going on underneath with another person. We need each other, but no one is perfect. We have shortcomings and insecurities. Some of these messages are true, and some of them are false.
You get to accept what messages you accept and what labels you allow to define you.
Wash away the lies and reach for your own authenticity. The truth will set you free. Freedom is worth fighting for with your happiness. I have never claimed to be perfect or free of guilt. I only claim to try and do my best and improve areas of my life that I can improve. We can always strive for better results. We always have room to grow.
